Cora Meyers∞Alan-a-Dale

Today some chump asked me if I ran around singing in tights because of that movie, like there ain't no other version of Robin Hood and his gang that don't involve freaking musical numbers 24/7. He made some comment about how I've got dancers legs or whatever and he can totally see me being in a musical. It was flattering.

So I shot his ass in the thigh with an arrow and I sang about it. Enjoy karma, bitch, and learn not to carry so much money in your wallet.

Apparently my ass needs to go apartment hunting because the landlord just realized I ain't the person he rented to. Guess he was all content to get the damn cash in the mail, but lord help him when he finds some small black girl in his apartment 'stead of a smarmy, white doctor. It ain't my fault your original tennant bucked the fuck outta here, jackass, be happy your grimy, whitetrash face is getting a fucking income. Christ.

Whatever. Your apartment leaks anyway. Enjoy the graffiti I'm leaving your ass on the counters and the arrows in your walls.

So this guy today was being a real douche and using the cheesiest one-liners on me ever. Highlights?

You must be in a wrong place - the Miss Universe contest is over there.

Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa just what I want for Christmas.

I hope there's a fireman around, cause you're smokin'!

And on and fucking on. He wouldn't go the fuck away. One of those stupid ass frat boys whose daddy pays for everything.

So I punched that bitch in the face and stole his wallet. Salvation Army's got a nice five hundred big one donation in asshole's name.

( Matt )

( Riley )

Well ain't this the most fucked up group of assholes ever. Killing groups of people who aren't even reincarnates? Bring it on mother fuckers. I'd love to kick your asses.

( Riley )

My brother's dead. Ever been on the bad side of a fucking genetically altered super soldier? Now ya have, bitch. See what happens to you.

That shit was almost too easy. Word to the wise idiots, don't announce your ass is hitting Jamaica on your goddamn twitter. But your flat screen? Fucking sweet. So thanks.

So mother fuckers. This is how it's going down. I'm the new fucking security at the clinic, you dig? So if anybody wants to step up and try to prove their balls, just remember that I warned your ass.

And if you ain't being a prissy little bitch about it, I'll show you where Matt's car is so you can fuck that shit up. It's hilarious.

Word to the wise, mother fuckers. Don't matter how much alcohol I drink, I can't get fucking drunk thanks to Alec, so that touchy-feely hand on my ass is going to get you a goddamn broken nose. Just ask the ass I sent to the hospital last night.

I got myself a shiny new goddamn laptop, mother fuckers.

( Matt )

Aight bitches, here's the deal. I was told that I have to update this cracked-out excuse for reincarnate facebook or whatever, so that's what I'm doing. What the hell ever. Let's get this shit over with.

I'm Cora. Last name ain't important, and anybody who wants to fucking tell me otherwise'll be tasting knuckle, got it? The other guy's name is Alec, and he ain't too keen on me giving out a whole shitload of information, aight? So don't fucking ask. Just know that if it comes down to it, I'll be throwing punches, and y'all be feeling it. Naturally, you translated 'keep a low profile' to 'let's threaten the neighborhood.'

Any questions?